Wednesday, December 24, 2008
So, I was laying on the couch this morning thinking about this one. A year ago, i was seeing someone, i was kinda happy, and I was leaving my old job and starting a new one. By the end of January, I was in a lonely and weird office, I was dumped and began a spiritual/physical journey. I began to listen to the depressing sounds of indie rock, purused music fuly by entring in the 'dubstep scene', I began to bike, I began to go crazy once inna while, I began to hate my job. I did get a chance to travel for once, I did have the luxury of going home right at 5pm and I did start doing that "DC Sophisto Happy Hour" thing that I've always wanted to do.
But then, I realized I was 31 and a lot of the angst and gimmick of subgenre, subcultue, of 'anti' had begun to wear off. I wouldn't call myself a sellout at this point. But I think I've reach a psycho-social state of Nirvana... I'm not a "Junglist", I'm not a "B-Boy", I'm not subscribe to the magazines, but when I read them I know how to pick up on the nuances and qualifiers to allow me to navigate these tribal circles. I'm not a "DC Sophisto" but I can do that.... I'm not "gutter" but i can... I'm not anything and that is one of the most fufilling things for me to say about myself cause its up to my own determination now as to what constitutes my sense of self. And that is the most powerful tool I can think of.
2008 was a bit of a struggle... it was the first time I worked at a job that wasn't full of colored folk. It was the first time that I really made an effort to enjoy my own company and not need anyone to make me feel good about myself. I was pretty close to accomplishing that. I think I had it down for a couple of weeks. I got lucky and I met someone new who I feel is pretty damn cool. She's great and I hope its fufilling.
2008 also rocked musically, I got my game up and I had songs that were well recieved by the community. I'm appearing on mixtapes, i got this blog up. I've been collecting good music. I got my identity and I'm enjoying the vibe. So its been good.
So anyway, I think thats what I can summize about this year. I have no predictions or declarative statements. I'm just going to keep working this thing out. Continue wtih the idea of making myself into a better person... not for you, not for my family, not for my friends, but for mysellf.